The pain of life lies in the very bosom of uncertainty; the eery sensation that strikes ones gut as you anticipate, expect and feel like something bigger than you is about to take place – but, you are unsure if you will celebrate or regret. It is the feeling of being stuck between two worlds – your current existence and your imminent future. It churns the intestines and causes the heart to skip often beats, as one is waiting, checking and tracking every move, every word and every reaction.
Nothing becomes a random act, and certainly nothing is taken lightly. Instead every interaction becomes a possible sign of what is to be expected. A frown unnerves you, a smile brings hope, and silence – only dis-ease.
So right now, I find myself wondering, questioning and checking every little thing, simply because I have this constant feeling hovering about me, enveloping me, and almost leading me to what I may have to face next.
I am not scared, but neither am I confident. In-fact I find myself stuck between parallels. There is no fear, but neither is there peace. I simply envisage, prognosticate and anticipate.
Could my overactive imagination have the better of me? OR is the God I have always depended upon trying hard to break through and speak to me? I can only wait – for now; and utter simple prayers of…
“What’s going on? Is everything ok? Lord, HELP!’
As usual, He will answer when He is good and ready. He will respond when the time is right. It’s just my heart that feels faint, yet sturdy; weak, yet strengthened.
I will wait on the Lord, and in His word I will trust. I will wait on the Lord, like the watchmen wait for dawn. After-all, I lose nothing, fight nothing and fear nothing. I simply compose myself and understand, that He (My Lord) will come, and that right early.
Written on the 5th of April 2017
©2017|Sithembile Lornah Ndlovu|All Rights Reserved.